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Before You Bring in the Relationship Wrecking Ball Consider the Dust

[ 2 ] October 19, 2011 |

A failed building project in Kansas City called the West Edge is the result of a business relationship gone bad. The building will be torn down floor by floor for an estimated $10 million. West Edge took five years and $120 million to build. It’s 70 percent finished, yet will be destroyed.

midlife divorce, separation, dividing assets, couples split, soured relationship

West Edge Gets Wrecked for New Structure. Don’t Let it Be Your Relationship.

Relationship Starting With Bad Choices

The 500-person attorney firm taking over the space can’t live with the atrium feature – said to be so spectacular that it’s comparable to the New York’s Guggenheim Museum. The atrium feature eats up too much cubical space so the attorney firm is willing to spend another $75 million to build a vanilla office building instead. Big numbers, big waste. Wasn’t there someone with a vision who could work with the existing structure? Didn’t someone have a good enough relationship to convince them to retain the beauty?

It reminds me of the waste involved when couples split or divorce. Years have been invested. The foundation is there. Yet things are ripped apart. Retirement accounts are cashed in despite penalties. Individuals move to vanilla apartment complexes to rebuild their lives. Women are said to move on with a 30 percent decline in their standard of living while married and men show a 10 percent decline. No one comes out ahead.

Relationship Demolition

Should couples tear down what they’ve built together, floor-by-floor, asset-by-asset, limb for limb? The next relationship holds no assurance of solid ground or longevity. It could even flat out suck.

So before you let your current relationship further erode, take the other person even more for granted, or continue being a narcissistic ass, consider the three R’s forewarned by Vivion Diller, Ph.D.


“Out with the old and in with the new” sounds revitalizing, but it often takes a lot of courage, effort, and money to make changes midlife. Believe me I know. I’ve been rebuilding my life for five months now following my bail out and it don’t come easy, baby.


Recognize that it takes time to re-establish a new course in life, settle into unfamiliar surroundings, and find comfort with new people. When I returned home after a two-year hiatus and whopper of a midlife crisis, I learned many of my old friends didn’t have time for me anymore. I had to buck up and attend lots of things to attract brand new people in my life.

Reinventing yourself gets messy. You have to break out a new canvas, get paint underneath your nails, and strip naked to become a Midlife Mona Lisa. It means kissing old routines and relationships that were comfortable bye bye. If you’re not good with change, mess, or some pain don’t leap without a net or you’re definitely going to feel the bruises that Nicolas Cage felt in his role in City of Angels when he gave up his wings to be with his love.

Seeing the wrecking ball ready to swing at this ready to blossom building on the Country Club Plaza spoke to me. I’ve wrecked relationships that I shouldn’t have and stayed in relationships that were wrecked from the beginning. What I know now is life, structures, people, and relationships are fragile.

You can’t neglect them, fade in and out, go dormant, and expect much back in return. And if you do bring in the wrecking ball, be accountable for your half of the damage. No relationship or building goes belly up alone. What was your part in the demise?

In our teardown, start-over society I hold high regard for beautiful architecture and high-vibration relationships. I’ll never take either for granted again.

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Category: Men & Dating

Comments (2)

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  1. Tim Poholsky says:

    I know there’s a metaphor in here somewhere (architecture relationships), but one thing that really makes me mad is when a company tears up ground, builds a structure, occupies it for a short time then realizes it made a bad decision and closes down… leaving an ugly, concrete, vacant shell. There are several of these buildings around Kansas City and I wish I could just snap my fingers and make these eyesores go away.

  2. Thanks Tim, I agree. It makes me mad that the West Edge is being “labeled” as a big failure — one of the biggest development flops of the decade. Instead it could be completed and another tenant can enjoy the location, blood, sweat and tears that have been invested in it.

    It’s no worse than calling me or another person a failure because we made a mistake. We all make mistakes that hopefully something wonderful can come from. And there’s really no hidden meaning behind the architecture metaphor. I just personally choose not to take ANYTHING for granted in the future. Not a tree, building, friend, or bread crumb. I am so grateful!

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