A man of honor shalt not lie. This seemingly easy commandment rounds out my series on how to be a man of honor. A man of truth is a man of honor.
A man of honor occasionally fibs to protect someone’s feelings. “The meal was great.” “You look as beautiful as the day I met you.” “Yes, I’d love to go to the art opening with you Friday night.”
A man of honor doesn’t blatantly lie, manipulate, bait someone, or plan a web of deception in business or relationships.
“Honey, I have to work late.” “She’s just a friend.” “I need to reschedule dinner because I have to go out of town.” These are common lies to cover a man’s bad or excessive habits or side relationship.
But let’s discuss a few truly dishonorable lies. How about the husband of 20 plus years who wanted to move his family to a different home, which the wife opposed because of the children’s school district. The husband promised to have a third child with her if they moved, but when she gave in, he retracted his offer to let her have another baby which she wanted so much.
Or the man who was dating one of my best friends who also asked me out on a date and asked that I not say anything to my friend. I declined the date. A week later the same man is late night texting both me and my friend offering to drop by for what we gathered would be a booty call. Little did he know we were texting each other the heads up while he stupidly tried to play two women in hopes to get one. Behavior far from a man of honor.
Of course there are very dishonorable women. Some try to pass off another man’s child as their husbands or lie about their involvement with someone for fame or money.
Facts About Men of Honor
Here’s some facts about truth and honor that you probably won’t find shocking:
- It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage.
- Research consistently shows that 2 to 3% (another source quotes it as high as 10%) of all children are the product of infidelity. And most of these children are unknowingly raised by men who are not their biological fathers.
A professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts, Robert Feldman studies deception in human relationships. His book, The Liar in Your Life: How Lies Work and What They Tell Us About Ourselves, tells how prevalent lying has become.
People lie while they are getting acquainted an average of three times in a 10-minute period.
Wayne Levine started a coaching program called Better Men. Levine says the reasons there are so many lies and foul-ups in a man’s work and relationships is:
There’s a lot of fear to fight through to take off the mask and reveal who they really are to other men (and women).
So what sets a man of truth and a man or honor apart from a foolish, deceiptful man, according to Quora?
A truthful man must know himself well enough to be able to speak his mind and heart truthfully. This skill is not to be taken for granted, and often requires lots of practice.A fool may not have developed a conscious, honest relationship with himself and therefore may not even be able to tell the truth. But some fools are truthful men – these are not mutually exclusive states.
As I grow wiser in midlife, I find and surround myself with men of honor. They are so refreshing to be around. To hear their truths, to watch them cry, to see them be so open and vulnerable and not an ounce less manly. My friend Tim Pohlosky comes to mind. The world could use a few more Tims in it.
Looking for your Man of Honor or Tim. Look here:
Find a new adventure with new people around you!
I honor you as a man of honor and hope men who know you or read this will follow in your example.
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Category: Men & Dating