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10 Reasons I Never Married (Part I)

[ 5 ] April 22, 2012 |

Love is the answer, marriage isn’t. What most parents, ministers, and conservatives won’t tell you is that marriage is a choice, not a requirement in life. It’s not something to check off your to-do list.

At one point in my life I really, really wanted to get married, but I learned the “want” wasn’t a real need so it faded nearly as quickly as the relationship. My marriage stats are 0 for 0, which in my mind is far better than 0 for three. Put a little positive spin on it and I can even say, I’m in the upper ten percentile (see below).

Never Married and Unspoiled

I’ve never been married and I’m not alone.

Age 1970 1999 2000 2002 2004 2008 2010
Male:
 20 to 24 years

35.8%

83.2%

83.7%

85.4%

86.7%

86.9%

88.7%

 25 to 29 years

10.5

52.1

51.7

53.7

56.6

57.6

62.2

 30 to 34 years

6.2

30.7

30.0

34.0

33.4

32.4

36.5

 35 to 39 years

5.4

21.1

20.3

21.1

23.4

23.0

23.5

 40 to 44 years

4.9

15.8

15.7

16.7

18.5

16.9

20.4

Female:
 20 to 24 years

54.7%

72.3%

72.8%

74.0%

75.4%

76.4%

79.3%

 25 to 29 years

19.1

38.9

38.9

40.4

40.8

43.4

47.8

 30 to 34 years

9.4

22.1

21.9

23.0

23.7

24.0

27.2

 35 to 39 years

7.2

15.2

14.3

14.7

14.6

15.2

17.7

 40 to 44 years

6.3

10.9

11.8

11.5

12.2

12.9

13.8

 

Why in the Hell Do People Get Married?

Some people get married because they want to and others because they have to. My birth control has been bullet proof, so I haven’t fallen into the later category.  And even if the conservatives call me a ho or prostitute, or if they support a world that pays me 70 cents on the dollar, I’ll always make enough to pay for my birth control pills whether they’re covered by insurance or not.

Some people get married because “it’s time.” Men claim this more than women. FYI, only your heart knows if it’s time.

There is a moral or Christian pocket of us that get married to follow God’s wishes for us to marry, mate, and procreate under the institution of marriage.

“Marriage is a fine institution. I’m just not ready for an institution.”
Mae West

 

Too many people get married because they don’t want to be alone or can’t stand to be alone. The sad thing is these are the same people who most often end up splitting and repeating the cycle endlessly, never quite figuring out that only they can complete themselves.

Don’t jump to the conclusion that I’m a man-hating, bitter spinster. I love life. I love men and I’d love to wake up with one that brings a smile to my face for the next 20 years. In fact, I gave the best and worst years of my life to a man of whom I considered my soul mate for 14 years.

10 Reasons I'm Not Married

I caught the bouquet AGAIN, and looked to soulmate of 14-years for reaction, he rolled his eyes and left the room.

 

Which is why I know for a fact that having someone in our lives to share our highs and lows with is pure ecstasy. Being with the right person makes you a better person. However, that person doesn’t necessarily have to also become your spouse.

Enter Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell who are my role models of a healthy, long term-relationship. My prior role models are married and bicker continuously.

Now that I’ve laid the foundation that I agree that love is the answer, let me tell you why marriage, for me, isn’t.

10 Reasons I Never Married & Why Your Kids May Not Either

 

#1                I Drank the Kool-aid, and Spit it Out

For those of us of a certain age that remember Home Economics Class, we were taught cooking, sewing, and how to plan our wedding all before the 10th grade. I loved the class though I sucked at cooking and sewing, but boy did I love looking at those wedding magazines and picking out my dress, cake, flowers, and all the other fairy tale parts that era tried to brainwash me with. I made a grand little wedding album and budget and then tossed it away never to be executed.

Why I Never Married

#2                One Wed Wonders Aren’t so Wonderful

I’ve always asked couples that married right the first time, what their secret was. I even started a blog called One Wed Wonders because of my fascination with those who reached their Golden Wedding Anniversary still hitched. What I learned was most lived in separate parts of the household and tolerated each other at best. Many were swingers and credited that lifestyle with saving their marriage. The best answers for their longevity together were pretty weak. So I discontinued the blog and questioning because one wed wonders weren’t any smarter than the rest of us just more resilient or using an open marriage as a crutch.

#3                 There’s Something Wrong with Me

Try to fix up any never-been-married person over the age of 40 and you’ll get interrogated. What’s the story? What kind of leprosy do they have? For me it’s the leprosy of non-conformity, which makes trying to fit into the Betty Crocker box of being a perfect wife challenging. There’s no amount of icing you can spread over my flaky, Dharma-like personality to mask that I’m a dreamer, a Pisces – the illusive fish that may never be caught.

#4            Other People’s Children Are Evil

My biological clock must have gotten broken along with my hymen. I never had the urge for kids, but I tried like mad  to help raise several for 14 years. They were good kids despite kicking me in the mouth when trying to read them bedtime stories, telling me my boyfriend’s other girlfriend was on the phone every time it rang, and walking in on their daddy when I was playing “Come to Mamma” one too many times. They are little Gremlins that don’t deserve to see the light of day unless you gave birth to them.

#5            Tastes Like Chicken

I asked a friend why she didn’t leave her husband that she complained about often and she said, it would just be the same shit, different man, if she moved on. It got me thinking; there truly are a lot of commonalities in husbands and wives. There certainly is a lot of rotating going on in the swap and shop of divorcees, but in the end you end up with a new dish that tastes like chicken. BTW, I left my 14-year relationship shortly after catching that bouquet mentioned in the caption above and road off into the sunset with someone I knew I would marry. No ring, no wedding, but he did taste like chicken.

 

How far out in left field I’m I with these Forever Single vs. Forever 21 observations? Married people in the house please chime in or set me straight AND join me Monday for the Final Five reasons I’ve Never Married and Your Kids May Not Either.

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Category: Men & Dating

Comments (5)

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  1. eleanore says:

    I love this post. I, too, am single by choice and quite pleased with my decision. It works for me. I like having a boyfriend, and I like it when he goes home. I knew I was different when I would notice I was the only one not shouting congratulations to every long-married couple (your #2 One Wed Wonders); I would always wonder what the quality of the marriage is. It seems no one ever talks about that. For me, it’s not the length of the marriage, it’s the life in the marriage. That’s what matters.

    Eleanore Wells, Author, The Spinsterlicious Life: 20 Life Lessons for Living Happily Single and Childfree

    • Your comments brought a smile to my face. So good to know I’m not the alone one with these thoughts. Can’t wait to check out your book and writings about The Spinsterlicious Life. What a great title!

  2. Dodie Jacobi says:

    I’d love a great relationship with someone who has enough mutual care, respect, and interests to build a life that’s even better than my amazing sole proprietorship! Meanwhile, I also love that our culture doesn’t require my marriage to anyone less.

  3. Audrey Sparks says:

    You know me, I was the one who married the 1. good, 2. thebad and ugly 3. the Mr Wonderful but could be annoying. Miss him know with an ached everday. I only hope someday you can have the man in your life that will love and respect you for the wonderful woman you are.

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