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To Pursue Good Stuff, You Have to Kiss the Bad Goodbye.

[ 0 ] July 31, 2012 |

My motto is on the back of my car, “Pursue Good Stuff.”  It’s such a simple motto that serves as a great life compass to steer me away from lots of shish.

Pursue good stuff, toxic relationships, starting over, reinventing yourself, bad boys, midlife women, midlife crisis, midlife transitions

When you’re starting over in midlife, make sure you only Pursue Good Stuff.

Starting Over Puts You in the Drivers Seat to Pursue the Good

After the end of two back-to-back relationships that together lasted two decades, I gave my life a complete and long overdue overhaul by thoughtfully and ever so slowly putting all the pieces back together again with great care and caution. I vowed to only let good into my life. I knew you become like who you associate with so I wasn’t going to let anything or anybody dirty my clean slate.

Have you ever lived in muddied waters or gotten soiled by association?

If you, like me, choose to see the good in every one, it’s a slippery slope. You get sucked in easily so keep your goodness radar on high less you be spewed upon by the toxic ones, Gordon Gekkos, players, bad boys, users,  whiners, bottom dwellers, mouth breathers or simply the people who choose to operate on a very low vibration.

Humans too often do the same things over and over and over again. I went to therapy for four years for depression and to break my decade habit of dating men who were unavailable to me. Then I moved to bad boys but hence have cued in quick.

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When we repeat patterns, like a wagon wheel stuck in a deep, dried rut, yoga traditions call it samsara, according to Eric Stoneberg, New York anusara teacher. Samsara is described as a grand pattern of death and rebirth but it’s really anything you do over and over that’s not so good for you.

Are you repeating any recursive patterns that are bringing more bad into your life than good?

As a big sister in Big Brother Big Sisters, I gently coax my little to not continue to get back together with her over possessive, jealous, controlling boyfriend. She’s extremely smart and certainly not one to be bullied, but at 17 young love sometimes gets in the way of seeing an endless cycle of bad behavior on his part.

I’m not preaching to the choir, I wish I had a “Big” to coax me not to run back to the same man six or seven times over the course of 14 years. Samsara had its claws deep in me and no one shook me hard enough to snap out of the repetitive cycle except Dr. Eddy who one time boldly said, “I think this man exacerbates your insecurities.”

The relationship was rich, comfortable and filled with rewards but oh do I remember the rawness of crying until I couldn’t speak, locking myself in the bathroom and laying on the floor in total withdrawal, and the emotional hell of not being able to negotiate through pivotal differences that eventually ended the cycle.

Have you cried yourself into a human snot rag on the floor contemplating what to do next and if you should start over?

Haven’t we all. Poet and yogi, Julie Peters, describes this human melt down in her terrific article, “Why Lying Broken in a Pile on Your Bedroom Floor is a Good Idea.” If you’re going through some shish and sorting through some bad in your life, read it and know you’ll come out stronger and wiser.

Julie says the Goddess of Never Broken is just like us and we too can experience a state of surrender and the peace and power of new beginnings so we can get back on track and pursue good stuff.

I’m staying out of my old ruts and surrounding myself with dozens of people who radiate light and goodness. I have quickly ended friendships and relationships as of late with people who have entered my new life feigning good yet peddling bad. And I’ve learned to openly ask, “What do you want from me?” “What do you bring into my life — good or bad?”

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 What Do You Want From Me?

Often this question only brings a blank stare or Clintonized answers. However in short order their intentions are made known and many times are not pure. If you keep your eyes wide open, you’ll see who is drafting off of you versus adding to your life. When I meet people who want to siphon my marketing expertise for free, use my light to fill their void, or try to snatch my goodies without bringing any value to my life, I say no thank you. Shut the door and migrate to goodness.

I know I’m vibrating this message too because my former co-worker apparently picked up on my goodness journey. He sent me this email, which floored me in its accuracy

“I realize you’re at a point in your life where you’ve cleaned out your junk drawer and are taking the steps to rebuild. And in choosing a path that’s free of all your past demons, negative energy sources and other toxins that poison your mind and cloud your judgment… a path that basically bypasses all of the polluted side streets, you are in search of one that’s cleaner, healthier, safer, more user-friendly and promotes happiness, wellness, stability, piece of mind, independence and prosperity and the desire to follow through with it.

An endeavor in which there will be a success story to tell. It takes a person with great determination, strength and the presence of mind to evaluate their life that way and know that in order to want more… better, you have to step back and see things in that kind of light. That’s a tough choice to make and I can’t say I know anyone else that takes that kind of leap.  That’s not only admirable but remarkable as well.”

Receiving my friend’s message, made me realize that not only am I walking my talk but I’m building a platform that screams pursue goodness at Midlife Mona Lisa so all the lives of the midlife women and men I touch and be inspired to do the same.

Because when your make a break, switch jobs, move to another house or across country, you have such a beautiful opportunity to scrub down your life and move forward with only the people, places and things that bring you light, joy, smiles, comfort and to say goodbye to the bad, toxic, repetitive useless habits that spiral you downward. I choose up.

I choose good. I choose pure. Will you join me?

 

 

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Category: Health & Happiness

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