Forget cracking down on entitlements. Crack down on stilettos and Spanx. They are harming our nation and our women. Not being able to walk or breathe rob a woman of her right to live comfortably. Amen.
I victimized myself for the last time at a fundraiser where I wobbled around for four hours on 4-inch stilettos on marble floors while bound in Spanx from knee to breast. What could have been a lovely evening was marred with shoe envy as I watched other women in lower heels or wedges dancing the night away as I excused myself to teeter home. I even offered a woman in flip flops money for her shoes as I made my way to the long walk of pain to my car.
I love fashion, but I’m selling these bitches. My feet were the same color as the shoes after wearing these below from Nine West and Corso Como. Both pairs made me I feel like a Japanese woman who had her feet broken and bound, and I will not be enslaved one day more.
No female bit the dust at this fundraiser by crashing to the marble floor. But check with your local ER and you’ll hear plenty of stories of women arriving with broken ankles and feet from falling off their heels. Remember Carrie Bradshaw’s runway roadkill scene in Sex and the City?
Pardon me Posh, but that extra inch can kill you. Anything over 3 inches puts you in jeopardy of an injury called Gloria Gaynor fractures. And I’d rather enjoy dancing to Gloria Estefan barefoot that an ER visit for wearing RoSa shoes.
You know what your brain looks like on drugs from the commercial with an egg frying in a pan. Here’s what your feet look like on shoe drugs. Gross I know.
Now let me spank on Spanx. Spanx are the tools of terrorists trying to kill off the female race. In addition to banishing panty lines and bulges, they banish your ability to breathe, speak, or think of anything but when you can take it off.
Who in their right mind would want to wear the Spanx Simplicity Camisole contraption below better suited for the Medieval Torture Museum in San Gimignano, Italy?
If you want to flatten your stomach and squeeze in your love handles, first bend over and take it at the counter by paying $52 for the cami above. Then enjoy having your guts mashed out while a tortuous bra digs its underwire into your breasts. Sounds like a night on the town, NOT.
Need a hug or foot massage? Read this to make your heels more comfortable.
The good news about my foot torture experience at the fundraiser was I met a nice man who gave good conversation and dressed snappy. We’re going out this weekend. I hope he’s not too disappointed when I show up in flats.
Have you ever been a victim of fashion? Tell me more Mona. Spill it below or pass this post on to someone who needs to slip into something more comfortable.
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Category: Fashion & Beauty