Stilettos and Spanx Be Damned
Forget cracking down on entitlements. Crack down on stilettos and Spanx. They are harming our nation and our women. Not being able to walk or breathe rob a woman of her right to live comfortably. Amen.
I victimized myself for the last time at a fundraiser where I wobbled around for four hours on 4-inch stilettos on marble floors while bound in Spanx from knee to breast. What could have been a lovely evening was marred with shoe envy as I watched other women in lower heels or wedges dancing the night away as I excused myself to teeter home. I even offered a woman in flip flops money for her shoes as I made my way to the long walk of pain to my car.
I love fashion, but I’m selling these bitches. My feet were the same color as the shoes after wearing these below from Nine West and Corso Como. Both pairs made me I feel like a Japanese woman who had her feet broken and bound, and I will not be enslaved one day more.
No female bit the dust at this fundraiser by crashing to the marble floor. But check with your local ER and you’ll hear plenty of stories of women arriving with broken ankles and feet from falling off their heels. Remember Carrie Bradshaw’s runway roadkill scene in Sex and the City?
Save me from these. Will sell my purple pain Nine West 7.5M for $45 (worn once) and Red patent Corso Comos 8n for $45 (worn twice)
Pardon me Posh, but that extra inch can kill you. Anything over 3 inches puts you in jeopardy of an injury called Gloria Gaynor fractures. And I’d rather enjoy dancing to Gloria Estefan barefoot that an ER visit for wearing RoSa shoes.
I’d wear these RoSa Shoes if my date valet parked and a wheelchair was waiting to roll me to my table.
You know what your brain looks like on drugs from the commercial with an egg frying in a pan. Here’s what your feet look like on shoe drugs. Gross I know.
Now let me spank on Spanx. Spanx are the tools of terrorists trying to kill off the female race. In addition to banishing panty lines and bulges, they banish your ability to breathe, speak, or think of anything but when you can take it off.
Who in their right mind would want to wear the Spanx Simplicity Camisole contraption below better suited for the Medieval Torture Museum in San Gimignano, Italy?
The purpose is pure, the outcome is hell.
If you want to flatten your stomach and squeeze in your love handles, first bend over and take it at the counter by paying $52 for the cami above. Then enjoy having your guts mashed out while a tortuous bra digs its underwire into your breasts. Sounds like a night on the town, NOT.
Need a hug or foot massage? Read this to make your heels more comfortable.
The good news about my foot torture experience at the fundraiser was I met a nice man who gave good conversation and dressed snappy. We’re going out this weekend. I hope he’s not too disappointed when I show up in flats.
Flats, the ballet slipper for champions.
Have you ever been a victim of fashion? Tell me more Mona. Spill it below or pass this post on to someone who needs to slip into something more comfortable.
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Category: Fashion & Beauty
I channel Dharma, Meg Ryan and Erma Bombeck while helping boomers find their groove and mojo. Light some incense, drink wine, bang your drum and love this part of your life with all your soul. It's time to shake you Boho bon bons honey.
Compliments to you for having the courage to address the slinky shoe plague. I was a victom, yes, your mother, the first time3 when I was inj high school. Invited to anthoer school for a homemake tea we rushed out to buy our first grown up heels. The year of 1958 were 2″ or 3″ with pointed toes, we were ever so happy when on the bus home we shred out feet of the prisoners. Try getting on a shcool bus with these heels!! I still didn’t learn through the years I feel off the wagon many times.
I wish the majority of shoes still were 2 to 3 inches. I need to go shoe shopping now with a ruler because I’m trying to stick with 3 inch heels or wedges or under. Now women’s shoes are 4 to 6 inches in height and often on a platform adding even more inches. It’s insane. They look good on the shelf but are hell on the feet.
Spanx has changed the way women dress and we can thank one person, Sara Blakely, who created Spanx by cutting up a pair of panty hose to create an undergarment to fight the dreaded VBL—Visible Panty Line. Growing from one women’s entrepreneurial dream, the Spanx shapewear line now includes Spanx panties, tummy control shapewear, Spanx hosiery, and new Spanx bras.
Celebrities swear by Spanx and for good reason. The various Spanx styles smooth, shape, and can make you look 5-10 pounds slimmer. With styles that range from panties to thigh-length to footless pantyhose to full bodysuits, Spanx styles solve any fashion challenge we women have. Shape your waist, shape your thights, shape pretty much everything and do so in comfort that earlier girdle-wearing generations could have only dreamed about.
True. Perhaps mine is too tight or I’m just a hippie at heart who prefers the comfort of Hanes or to go Commando.