The Real Reason Older Men Date Younger Women
This year I’ve polled lots of older men about who they date. These highly eligible boomer bachelors say age is not the deal breaker, weight is.
Men are sexual carnivores and like their women fit.
The successful, handsome, fit men in their 50s and 60s that I’ve cornered to pick their brains say they prefer to date age appropriate women, but refuse to date women who are fat. There I said it.
Before you send me hate mail, consider this. Your age is out of your control, your weight is not. It may be easier for some middle-aged women because of genetics, height, or an over-active thyroid but it’s still within your control.
Inactivity Leads to Weight Gain All the Time vs. Menopause
Hormonal roller coasters aren’t fun but thanks to bio-identical hormones, it’s fairly fixable. I know “keeping one’s self up” is practically a full-time job in mid-life, but the rewards are worth it. I also know our lives tilt toward being sedentary not active as we get older and the price is weight gain.
If you look and feel good, the rest will follow.
When I asked a trainer how to drop my extra tonnage, he told me to push back the plate and hit the weights. It was painfully effective. If you’re feeling hopelessly flab at 50, check out this video of the 20 most sexy women over 50 for inspiration.
The very fit man, of 59 who I’m currently dating runs marathons, plays golf without a cart, bypasses booze, eats lots of fish and forgoes fries. His flat stomach and intellect attracted me, pushing his age out of my mind.
When I asked him if his golf buddies were tubby and what their wives looked like, he said they were fit and their wives hit more martinis than gyms and sported physiques that were more Hardy than Laurel.
His words not mine.
Tipping the Dating Scales in Your Favor
If you’re a woman of a certain age who is starting over, you can tip the dating scales in your favor by picking an activity that you love. By dropping those extra pounds, you level the playing field with that visual species called man.
Dating coach for smart, strong, successful woman, Evan Marc Katz, puts it this way:
I bet that even the most non-judgmental guy around would say that he wants a mind, soul, and body connection – but only if she takes care of her body.
4 Easy Ways to Get the Body of a 30 Year Old (or less)
If you’re a born athlete who loves to scale mountains or run marathons, chances are you can still bounce a quarter off your butt. However, if you consider frosting a cake aerobic exercise, you might need to increase your activity level a touch in midlife. Here’s my favorite ways to drop fat in not time flat.
YOGA – It’s not surprising that many midlife boomettes turn to the mat to combat the fat. It doesn’t hurt your knees and the variations make it possible for any body to do some form of the asana. Dr. Sarah Kucera of Sage Center for Yoga and Healing Arts says no more than 5% of her clientele are over weight (30 pounds or more). Kucera says because her students, many who are middle aged and up, are committed to their health. Sarah’s yogi followers attend classes religiously and are committed to their health. It shows.
Tina Sprinkle, owner of Pilates 1901, is 50 something and fabulous even after her hip replacment. A Paleo Diet and walking and Pilates keeps her fit, sexy, and a role model for women of a certain age.
PILATES – Pilates helps you gain muscle mass in spades. It strengthens your core and helps you return to your lean, mean, fighting machine physique like Tina Sprinkle did. The reason women get mad at their mates when they both go on diets together, is men drop weight quickly and women usually not so much. More muscles mean a soaring metabolism, meaning calories burn off you even when you rest. Plus women I know doing a Pilates trampoline/reformer routine say it feel like play, not work. Try it.
TENNIS – Chasing that little fuzzy yellow ball around is so much fun, it doesn’t feel like exercise. Plus when you take a few lessons and final learn how to smash an overhead, you’ll be hooked. If you weigh 160 pounds, you can burn 564 calories an hour of playing singles. And you won’t be able to resist booking three more matches that week because it’s so addicting.
Staying slim is a walk on the beach if you find activities you love.
WALKING – It’s so easy. Just roll out of bed, throw on some shoes and walk. Flash forward, one hour later, and you’ve burned 314 calories and probably solved world hunger or numerous other problems by having an hour of silence to really let your mind go to work without interruption. Yum.
How do you feel about your body? What’s your exercise routine? Are men shallow? Is your mate tubby or fit? Do you care? Please comment below.
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Category: Men & Dating
I channel Dharma, Meg Ryan and Erma Bombeck while helping boomers find their groove and mojo. Light some incense, drink wine, bang your drum and love this part of your life with all your soul. It's time to shake you Boho bon bons honey.
I think your “stay fit” suggestions are terrific but my suggestion is…Do it for yourself not for anyone else. I have been happily married 36 years to a man who loves me unconditionally as I do him. If I were single, I would not want a man who chose me because of my weight or lack of weight. This is the kind of guy who will suggest you do something about your wrinkles and anything else he believes is an “imperfection”…I have seen couples very happily married who have found each other late in life and though neither the husband or wife looks perfect physically, they are very much in love. We live in a society obsessed with physical beauty. I watched my breathtakingly beautiful Mother ( a former model) slowly die from a debilitating disease. For 14 years, my beloved Father cared for his soul mate as her body deteriorated and she became a complete invalid. Never once did he make reference to her physical appearance but chose to love her unconditionally. She died in his arms on a September day in 1991.
Debi, I’m so glad you brought these points up. I was mentally “absent” for not connecting those dots in this post because I do believe in unconditional love and I’m so glad you and your parents know it first hand. Of course, you should stay healthy and do what you can with what you’ve got for yourself first and not as ploy to land a man. My point was don’t think you’re too old to date or find love in midlife or after and don’t let yourself go and throw in the towel. May all of us flying solo be lucky enough to find what you have and the love your father showed your mother for who she was not what she looked like.
Hmm are men shallow? Or are women?
Most men in this age group are looking for intelligent, independant women. Being fit is and should be something you do for yourself not for a man! Being a French woman I have to say we love to eat and drink and make love! Yes, even as we get older! We stay fit because it makes us feel good and adds ‘life to our years’. Women are too self conscious of their bodies and most men don’t care! They care about the smile on your lips, your zest for life and that sparkle in your eye not your size 0 pant size! ( you know, we say that a woman of a certain age must choose her face or her derrière ..most men prefer a little more cushion and fewer wrinkles on the visage) I have many female friends in their 50′s 60′s and beyond, of various sizes who have no trouble attracting lovers….ahhh that sparkle in the eye!!! One 72 year old lady has a 52 yr old male companion oh là là..!
Has your golfing friend ever considered why his friend’s wives are so enamoured of their martinis? Maybe the men need to spend more time playing with their wives and less time playing with their golf balls…..
Allison, you make GREAT points. My poll of men was a weak handful and hopefully unrepresentative of the majority of men out there. And, I love your comment about why the golf wives were throwing so many drinks back, there no doubt is a reason or absence they are filling. I raise my glass to all women who share their sparkle, intellect, high vibrations, and sexuality regardless of age or weight but just because they love who they are and have lots of love and life to share.
I’m in my early 50′s. Before I got divorced I was hitting the gym religiously. Since my ex paid for my membership I had to give it up. Shortly after the owner offered me a deal and I went back. Unfortunately he neglected the gym and lost it.
My ex married an overweight woman and pays for her to get in shape. I am in the process of working on my health and weight. I know that is what men want but more importantly it’s what I want.
Thanks for sharing your experience with weight management and taking care of yourself for yourself. You sound like you have a very healthy grasp on your heart, soul, budget, weight and confidence. More power to you and I hope you’re enjoy your singlehood.
PS Sounds like your ex is always trying to change his women, which is a reflection of how he feels about himself.