Should Women Wait in the Shadows for Men?

This is a dark shadows tale about three women who have been waiting for their Barnabas to follow through – make them fully a part of their lives or finalize their divorces.

Blair had six wonderful years with her man but he never introduced her to his grown children, asked her to move in, or to my knowledge mentioned marriage.

Carrie left her deadbeat husband after he drained her and her family’s bank account and lost their home to foreclosure.  She’s eager to move forward with her high school sweetheart who is trying to untangle himself from 20-year marriage. The untangling is taking a lot longer than he anticipated so she remains in the dark but hopeful.

Morticia met her Barnabas on Match.com and has enjoyed 18 months of a travel and romance. Being vocal, Morticia told Barnabas she wants more from him than trips and frequent flier miles in the months ahead. He promised if she could wait another six months that his divorce in a non-divorce friendly country will become finalized.

Stick with me to the end to hear what the these three women decide to do.

Do You Know a Woman Waiting in the Shadows?

Are you in a similar hold position as Blair, Carrie or Morticia? Should you or they wait in the shadows and if so how much longer? When is it time for a woman in wait to step into her own light until her fanged fella takes her hand and quits being a pain in the neck?

Dating coach Evan Marc Katz says it best. “Having a healthy relationship with an emotionally unavailable man is like having a three-way with George Clooney and Brad Pitt. It only happens in your dreams.” I say the same is true for having a relationship with a legally separated or still married man.

Katz doesn’t take the man’s side when the man is unable to commit due to current commitments. Katz recently advised a young woman who’d been dating a man for six months and only getting one day of her guy’s time to move on.

The Four Types of Non Marrying Men

Founder of Dating with Dignity, Marni Battitusta, wrote a great post for Divine Caroline called How Long Should You Wait for Him to Commit. In it Battitista describes the

Pretender – Says he wants you for long-term but won’t discuss marriage

Philosopher – Likes to banter about divorce rates and number of friends who are unhappily married

Innovator – Wants to be with you for the long-term and is open to other forms of commitment other than marriage

Faux Beau – He fails the boyfriend test because he’s there for his needs, not yours. He’s already given you the “disclaimer” that he’s not the marrying kind.

Men Get the Deed Done if They Want the Reward

Men can make a tee-time so why not the time to move a relationship to the next level? For most, probably because they don’t see the reward.

Why can a decisive man commit to hunting trips, business outings, or charitable board positions for the long-term, but not to a future with the woman he’s spent a decade in a monogamous relationship with? My guess is he doesn’t see the rewards

Men for the most part are brilliant shot makers, milestone breakers and deadline makers. I’ve seen them push to get their 10-Qs or 10-Ks out and meet mission–critical benchmarks as well as patent, RFP, reporting, and funding deadlines with time to spare.

Yet when it comes to moving forward in relationship, whether there’s an arbitrary female set deadline or not, the average male loses track of time.

He appears adrift as Captain Jack Sparrow in a rum like fog or as carefree and clueless as a black lab at Camp Bow Wow.

What Happened to Blair, Carrie and Morticia?

• Blair set a deadline the first of the year to give her Barnabas six more months on top of the six years already invested. Blair gave him the boot and is already dating a man who wants to introduce her to his family, friends and fully integrate her into his life.
• Carrie is frustrated as a Doberman on a short chain, but she’s decided to wait things out.
• Morticia has her eyes wide open. She’s kindly expressed her needs and with a generous window for Barnabas to drink up or suck off.

Prediction #1:

All three women will live happily ever after with or without a man. They’re smart, resourceful incredibly sexy women in their 40s and 50s who will have their storybook endings.

Prediction #2:

In the next decade you won’t just see articles about “How to Get Your Man to Commit,”  you’ll see, “How to Get Your Lady to Say Yes.”  Male/Female roles will reverse. Mark my words. It’s already happening.

Any advise for my friends? What would you do? What have you done in similar dating situations?

 

Tags: dating after 50

Category: Men & Dating